Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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