Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
