I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
