You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
