Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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