Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
