dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
