i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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