my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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