I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
