So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
