I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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