I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
