I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
