Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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