dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
