I murdered the dance floor call the cops
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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