dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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