Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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