Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
