She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Say something about gay babies.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
