I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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