I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
