Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
