I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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