This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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