never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I cut my penus on the lid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
