i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize