fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
