I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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