Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
