Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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