they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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