That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The best revenge is premature balding
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
