Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
