drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
