i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
