What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
