So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
