You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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