she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
