i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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