oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
