then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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