I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
