8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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