GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
