You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
