I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
