You're so nebulous sometimes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
