just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
