I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
