That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
