my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
