I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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